


a thousand count but not a single thread of truth

by sometimeswebreakbeforeweshine (orphan_account)



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 19:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8635486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sometimeswebreakbeforeweshine
Summary: lukas is going after philip when he goes back with his mother after she's gotten clean. he finds something he doesn't want to. multi-chapter!





	

**Author's Note:**

> yoooo!! this is gonna be multi chapter so maybe stay in!!

It’s chilly. It’s more than chilly, it’s biting cold. It’s hard to get out at this hour, and his dad doesn’t know where he is, but knows that it’s probably with Phillip. Lukas doesn’t  _ care,  _ anymore doesn’t care whether his dad sends the fucking whole army after him. He just wants to see Philip again.

 

Flowers are fucking  _ expensive.  _ They’re really expensive, and Lukas has only got 50 dollars, his entire allowance stuffed into his wallet as he paced the streets of Brooklyn, desperately trying to find the house Philip has once led him to. There’s flower stands, and there’s these gorgeous blooms that stand out to his tired eyes. Bright yellow, soft petals curving into concave circles. Delicate and whimsical with veins running up them; a bouquet of yellow roses that burst against the pale sky.

 

The vendor’s told him it’s $49.75, and  _ damn,  _ that’s a lot of money. He’s got just 50 exactly, and he hands him it. He’s not got anything more  _ valuable,  _ than Philip. Philip is a jewel among treasures, and he would lay down all he has for another chance to be his again.

 

Fifty dollars is a laughable price to pay for a boy who's worth more than all the wealth in this world and the next. 

 

The walk there is brisk and it’s long. Lukas is a fool in love and he’d do most things in the world to get Phillip to love him again.

 

Living without him was like living without oxygen. Lack of him was in the air and in every step he took; iit was in the soles of his shoes and the creases of the hands that used to be held by a loving boy. Living without him was never something Lukas thought would be torture, but he’s finding living without him fucking  _ hurts.  _

 

It’s a deep pain that lives in his chest and carries with him wherever he goes.

 

He just wants it to end.

 

Lukas knew he’d miss him, when his mother had gotten the go ahead to take him back home. It was a shock to everyone, including Hellen and Gabe, but when she’d gotten clean and gotten a job and  _ begged,  _ to have him back, somehow she'd won.

 

And Lukas hadn’t seen him since he’d left, a week ago. 

 

And Lukas swears his heart is gonna fucking shatter.

 

Going after to Philip was something he never thought he’d do. Chasing a boy, falling in  _ love  _ with a boy was never a thing he ever thought he’d do. Phillip was an enigma in his own, impeccable and his love irreplaceable. And Lukas had carved himself a home in him, and he no longer knew what to do without him.

 

He knew it was fucking crazy chasing after a boy he fell in love with in the city he’s barely known, but Philip was the embodiment of love and joy for him, and his mother had told him that if you love something, you’d chase it. 

 

And dammit he’s done a lot of things she’d be ashamed of him for but this once he’s going to make her proud

 

It’s a small brick apartment and it’s gorgeous in the way that it holds the love of his life. The love of his life, the love 

 

If anything made Lukas believe in fate, it had to be Phillip. 

 

If a boy hung the stars in the sky and made the moon shine, it was Phillip. It was always Phillip. Everything in the world, the only truth. 

 

Of everything he’s said, all these days and all the words that have slipped out on a vicious tongue, only one has been the truth. 

 

Lukas Waldenbeck loves Philip Shea. 

 

And that’s all that matters.

 

He knocks three times, and he rolls a the quarter in his hand, nervous and biting his lip. 

 

His mother opens the door, hair frayed but smile light, clearly healthier than the last time they’ve spoken. Their home is warm and inviting, her fingers drumming on the door frame. 

 

“Lukas! Hello!” she says, an inviting look on her face and he smiles warmly at her.

 

“Hello, Ms. Shea! I was wondering if I could see Phillip?” his words were shaky. She could tell him no, say that she knows how he’s treated her son and that she’s never hated anyone more. 

 

“Of course dear, he’s in his room. Good luck!” she’s whispered with a wink, looking at him with the hope he’s sure is too much. 

 

He’s going to the shut door and it feels ultimate, feels like the world is going to finally be whole again because Phillip might say yes.

 

Before he opens the door, fingers light o the knob, he allows himself to hope.

 

That he will be met with heavy breath and a wide eyed Philip who will run into his arms because every second that Lukas craved him, Philip wanted him back, missed him  _ back.  _

 

He allowed himself to home against hopes that he’d drop the flowers because Philip would rush into his arms and kiss Lukas with his so-soft lips, holding him with every bit of affection he always has. 

 

Then he opened the fucking door.

 

And Philip was there.

 

Beautiful Phillip, mussed brown hair and plump lips and a picturesque smile that Lukas has missed  _ god  _ he’s missed the sight of it

The boy is the love of his life, light of his days, inspiration for the worlds of color that spill into his wanting eyes. His life is a book and Philip is the story.

 

And Phillip’s head is resting on some fucking  _ other  _ boy’s chest, content and warm. That  _ boy,  _ with speckled freckles and brown hair with soft touches on  _ his  _ boy.

 

_ His  _ love.  _ His.  _

 

“Lukas?” he hears his voice, and it’s music to him, actual chimes to hurting ears that have been aching to hear his voice.

 

“Philip, I-I” he stutters. Fuck, he’s not his, Phillip isn’t going to kiss him or touch him or take his flowers, take everything he had  _ offered.  _ “Um, I’m sorry, just give these to your mom, I guess.” he says, as Philip reaches out to touch his arm to stop him.

 

“I just wanted to see how you were doing out here, I guess I came a a bad time.”

 

_ Came too late. Too late. Too fucking late. _

 

“Yeah, I guess you did.” the deeper voice of the other man says. 

 

Philip looks at him wistfully, wearing grey sweats and a long sleeve top and he could crumble.

 

If it wasn’t for his pride, he’d get on his knees and beg for him to love him again, to kiss him just one time so he’d have something to remember the taste of his lips. 

 

But instead he leaves, leaving the roses on the desk and then looks at Philip.

 

Phillip tries to hug him, but Lukas doesn’t let him, only leaving a kiss by his temple.

 

God, Philip smells like maple and pine, sunshine and warmth, and he wants to be this close to him forever.

 

But he leaves.

 

And well, he thinks, walking out the door with a smile to his mom and shaky hands, he’s got a fake !D.

 

He crumbles against the wall, sliding down it as wails slip through his lips and his hands cover his eyes. He had one good thing to fight for, and he lost it. HE had one bit of hope and ceaseless home, and he had fuckedit all up.

 

He’s going to get fucking plastered.

 

~oOo~

So, he’s drunk. Like really, really drunk. So drunk that he doesn’t know how he’s ended up back here, pounding on the door and desperately calling, “Philliiiiiip!” outside until the younger boy comes out and whispers to him.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” he whispers, and Lukas leans into him, right away.

 

“I missed you, I missed you, I missed you,” he chants, leaning in to hug him, throwing his amrs aroun d him and there it is, that warm pine maple scent he has  _ always  _ loved about him.

 

“I missed you too, Luka,” and he remembers that that’s what he calls him when the heat is too warm and his back is arching into him and his lips sighing into his mouth. 

 

And the roses are bright and yellow and in the fucking  _ trash,  _ his heart and a travel and fuck why is he blurry? Oh, shit, tears, in  _ front  _ of his love.

 

“Don’t, I don’t want you to stop calling me that, I want you to call me Luka and kiss me in my cabin, and take me to meet your mom.”

 

And his eyes are desperate and Philip is trying to calm him down but it’s not working because he looks so scared and desperate, broken and hard.

 

“We’ll do it in the morning, yeah? We’ll go to the cabin in the morning and be us then, don’t worry Luka,” And Lukas cuddles into him on the couch, pulling into him, curled into a ball.

 

~oOo~

 

“Hey there, lovely.” he hears Philip say. With the rising sun washing over his angel face and Lukas’s thinks he might have died and gone to heaven to have someone like this hld him as delicately as he is.

 

“M’ sorry I came by so weird.” he mumbled, pressing his lips into Philip’s tummy. 

 

Philip runs his fingers through Lukas’ hair, playing and fiddling with soft endearing touched.

 

“S’ok, was glad to see you.”

 

“So why’d you throw out my flowers? And who was that guy?” he mumbles, eyeing the trash can. All he had for the month, on a boy who threw it away. He’s the only one to blame.

 

“Thrown out?” his brown furrowed in confusion. He sees the trash can and he sights, because HArry must have thrown them out on his way out.

 

“That guy- he was my ex.” And Lukas wants to scream, because he’s not the only one who’s loved Phillip like this, not the only one whose been in love with him.

 

Phillip is too wonderful to be just his. To be loved by just him. 

 

Phillip isn’t his in any sense of the word, and he’d been a fool to think he was. 

 

“I know what you’re thinking and stop it- I’m still fucking into you after all you’ve done to me. I like you, I-”

 

“I love you, Phillip.”

 

Silence. 

 

“I do, I spent my entire allowance on a ticket here and the other half on expensive ass yellow flowers! The state flower is a fucking rose, I looked it up just so you could have it! I love you, full stop. I love the way you call me Luka and I love the way you kiss and I’m too late, I’m too fucking late and someone else gets to love you the way I wanted to.”

 

“You love me?”

 

“But you don’t, not anymore.”

 

Lukas looked up at him, with desperation. 

  
“Do you?”


End file.
